The new families are "sun" and without reference points for success should be based only on common sense.
The family is a challenge that has reconstituted itself in great difficulty (the weight of previous failure, often unresolved tensions with former partner, the children of first marriage, sons of a second, children of the new partners, often impoverished economy) but also the advantage of being highly motivated not to fail, ready to get back into the game, to change and build something new.
The strength and challenge of the new born from the desire to start families, the change and the ability to be able to listen and mediate the needs and suffering of all.
But from the beginning. After the separation with all the baggage of pain, anger and disappointment you pass a period in which we reorganized and collect the pieces, we find a certain stability, a new inner balance and it will reinforce the new habits.
The children in the early days have been passive spectators of a breakup is often not desired, finally begin to accept the situation and think to themselves, without worrying parents or what's going on.
It takes about three years to deal with the grief of separation and be ready for new emotional ties. Time apparently is shortened if
during the crisis of the couple has already begun to emotional detachment from the partner, but if this is valid for adults not for children who are beginning their process of mourning after parents were effectively separated.
Time has passed and returns the will to live, to start again and design a new family, is the phase in which the fantastic imagination of the future and the family that might be.
But back down to earth should allow time for the children and the new partner to learn to "sniff" a little '. Children need to understand that their place will not be affected by the new partner and that no one will replace their parents. It takes time also to cement the couple well before facing the difficulties of the construction of the extended family.
The fantastic stage where the design of the new family is exciting and frightening at the same time, the dreams of the extended family type "Cesaroni" fit doubts and fears, but the desire to have the best start ... and we are ready to actually form the new family.
it! Now we live together but what a mess! Fear and joy at the same time. You must negotiate the new family habits, and merge them to adapt to the previous ones, each will try to impose one's own and this will inevitably create friction, it can happen to feel inadequate and unprepared. Organize your time of life, give the spaces of home, the roles and duties of each.
To overcome this first stage should be a lot of patience, great listening skills and acceptance, must enjoy and give the chance to miss. To better address this is well set rules of family: a few, clear and well reasoned.
you thought the worst was over? Not so now we enter the eye the cyclone. It 's time of crisis in which appear the first contrast, the children acquired a tough test with attitudes of competition and rivalry, sometimes even among adults (between biological parent and acquired). What to do? Avoid competition and enhance, and redefine the rules in the light of family bargaining and explanations.
finally overcome the initial hurdles to get to the stage of stability in which family roles have been assigned, he begins his way to a first sense of family identity. Compare the sense of "us", they make their way to early memories, new family habits that strengthen the family even more.
Ok we have, it's almost done ...! Now we need a little more step. Within us is becoming more apparent detachment from the immediate family and there is a commitment because the new extended family to survive the inevitable adjustments all internal and not just their curiosity, sometimes a bit 'disbelief, of others.
Finally it feels a family, everything works more or less normally ... but above all think about peace and tranquility? Surprise! There comes a new baby and the balance must be won with such difficulty for new rearrangement, we start again.
the extended family needs commitment, patience and a lot of ability to accept diversity and complexity of the relationship is an exciting challenge, the daughter of our time that we constantly test the different from us.
Alessandra Grimoldi - Family Mediator and Counselor
Image: jscreationzs / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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